Secret Histories Confessions
Or, dark dirty secrets about Weather Factory games and my failures at them that you couldn’t pull out of me with a team of oxen,
but I’m Rubywise Ruined out my skull, so let’s do this,
also, it’s 95 total because I’m feeling an Edict of Worms and the Rubywise Ruin was 95 proof (call a doctor)
and you know this is a real serious post because I used the white paper background for this missive, also sorry for ripping of St. Augustine and also Martin Luther. Okay, now here’s a blog, here it is. Open wide!
Cultist Simulator Confessions
I put the ‘meme’ in ‘mnemonic’ when it comes to remembering stuff about the games. I have to meme to remember. If I do not make stupid memes about the DeWulves, I will not remember things. This is why I failed out of medical school. Also, I didn’t go to medical school. Also, ethics violations. Also, come back with a warrant, back to the list —
I don’t really ‘get’ the Seasons mechanics (ambition, etc.) and at this stage, I’m too embarrassed to ask. Please note I’ve been playing since I got Perpetual Edition, which would’ve been…maybe in the first month of release? I don’t know. There’ve been Seasons worth of time for me to understand the Seasons mechanic and it just hasn’t really…clicked? I don’t know.
I don’t even have 25% of the achievements unlocked on Steam.
I didn’t realize you could enter The Mansus until someone told me…after I’d played for at least 15 hours…I guess I didn’t read the text well enough or understand what was going on? It took me at least another dozen hour to pass the second gate. Yup. I’m not great at Cultist Simulator! I’m down bad downright bad!
I spend more time on Frangiclave and the wiki (and writing terrible blogs) than I do actually playing the game.
I spam Tincture sleep to get Contentments. I’m not saying what Tincture because I’m not trying to get this blog unwanted traffic, but if you know, you know.
I will grind Streets Strange by Moonlight until it expires, even if I don’t need anything it can serve, even if it’s dangerous, even if it’s a waste of time. Streets Strange by Moonlight, my beloved. I find myself just spamming it and listening to jams. Said jams are provided for your listening displeasure and ensuing sanity loss in the form of a Spotify playlist, also an embed in this post. I don’t think the embed is working and my intern is too busy to fix it, handling Library Nonsense, so just use the link. In all truthfulness, the ‘jam’ of choice is usual CVS Bangers vol. 3.
I didn’t know you could upgrade Influences, or that they Decayed, because I just never noticed what happened to them when the timer went to 0.
…and thus, I didn’t realize certain Influences can decay into stuff like Dread or Restlessness.
I didn’t really ‘get’ Moth until I played Book of Hours. I don’t know, I just found it really boring, same with Winter, but I was younger, as we all were yesterday, and the day before that (science tell us this, too, is Hushery.) Moth isn’t boring! I just didn’t ‘get’ it.
I didn’t realize what the Carapace Cross were until I read the wiki.
I call the Carapace Cross ‘buggie boys’ to my friends.
Okay, triple confession, I push the Carapace Cross angle really hard to my friends and tell them to play the game so we can talk about our Carapace Cross theories, and so far, it’s worked…because I haven’t tried any other methods. Please play the game. Please learn about the Carapace Cross. Please talk with me, for hours, into the night, about our theories about how they passed within, and my theory about their connection to worms.
Most of my ‘fan theories’ are just canon I wasn’t aware of. I’m not a creative woman. I’m a Librarian, not, oh, I don’t know…a romance novelist?
The vast majority of my losses are from painting too hard and generating too much Notoriety. Live by the low-effort garbage post, die by the low-effort garbage post.
My favorite version of the game is the Nintendo Switch port. Everything is just more easily organized and easy for me to see, because the cards are automatically sorted. If I got to make one suggestions to the Weather Factory, it would be to enable the Switch version as a togglable mode for the Steam version. Alternatively, if any takobon out there want to make a mod for me to do just that, I’ll love you forever (more so than I have already, do already, and will already.)
I am so scared of giving my followers tools just for them to die.
I am a mega-simp and don’t see my followers as expendable. I know they’re just lines of code on a screen — but they’re lines of code with a name, and a portrait, and flavor text. I just want them all to be okay.
I will regularly try to ‘100%’ the game when I could’ve won already, and I end up losing. 100%’ing means conquering every vault for me.
My total number of non-boring wins is less than ten, probably less than five. My only victories are relatively standard ascensions — I think it was a Lantern ascension?
Even though my focus just, for everything, is the Secret Histories games, I haven’t played The Exile DLC. It seems like it’s too big-brained for me,
My cult is usually Lantern, sometimes Forge, sometimes Knock or Secret Histories, and that’s it. That’s all. I don’t think I’ve ever made an Edge, Winter, Heart, or Moth cult. I’ve maybe made a Grail cult once, and it was probably an accident.
A significant amount of my play time on Steam is from me accidentally leaving the game open overnight and forgetting to close it.
I wish there were more of those effects you sometimes get on the board where an image of some etching or whatever pops up. I don’t even know the technical term for this, I don’t know what it’s called in-game. I just like fancy flashy things and sound effects.
I call people ‘Sin Nombre’ as an insult without a shred of irony, the way some people call people ‘sheeple’ or ‘NPCs.’ It’s problematic. I’m not trying to change.
I regularly mix up The Watchman and The Chandler.
I don’t really ‘get’ The House of the Moon but, golly, I want to. I don’t know if The Wheel really still turns in The House of the Moon or if it’s just a saying. Moon related, let’s make it one confession.
I want to marry Rose, but I should go for a nice woman who will treat me right, like Clovette, even a Cat Caro. It’s just that Rose has the same name as my favorite Principle. I think her last name is Secret Histories.
I try to unlock every basic location, e.g. the Club, before exploring Vaults.
I basically use the first Vault I unlock as my base, nine times out of ten.
I spam Work: Health to get the toned physique ASAP. It’s skill to max out in the early game, so I do it, even if it’s not necessary.
I didn’t realize what the Forge victories were about before reading a Reddit post about it. I will not elaborate because I cannot find the link.
I don’t get more than half the occult references in the game and learn them from the wiki.
My favorite Origin is Doctor because I don’t have to manage the Work verb as heavily.
I really want someone to remake the mod that auto-manages the Work verb because that’s what gets me got on play throughs where I don’t get Noteriety’d into oblivion. Please. Please. Somebody remake it. I’ll do anything. Anything. I’ll even…stream.
I am very averse to selling anything at the Auction House, even useless things. What if this absolutely useless joke item is needed to open a Vault later, even though I’ve played every Vault and know that’s impossible?! Also, I’d like to imaging the Auction House is like the Orgimmar AH in World of Warcraft, just absolute chaos. (I don’t know the Alliance equivalent, do I look like I play Alliance?)(This post brought to you by The Horde.)
I am strongly considering making a mod of Balatro that substitutes the art with Cultist Simulator art, but it would be art falling outside what’s allowed with the Sixth History license, so I don’t know if I’m going to do it. I’d have to make a lot of new art and for a novelty stream. Maybe the making of would be a fun novelty stream? Is mod development allowed in the Game Development category on Twitch? I know not.
Book of Hours Confessions
You thought we were done here?
Source: me.
Vast majority of my Weather Factory subreddit posts are either thirsty posts, dumb puns, bad lore takes, or me plugging the Inline Scripts plugin for the Weather Factory games. This one. This plugin: https://www.reddit.com/r/weatherfactory/comments/165o98a/pretty_notes_with_obsidian_light_spoiler_for/
I haven’t played the DLC because I’ve been busy setting up The Library. If you know, you know, and if you don’t, you are here, and therefore, you are there.
I don’t have even 25% of the achievements on Steam unlocked for this either.
I spend more time on Rowenarium and the wiki and writing awful, downright terrible, absolutely heinous blog posts, than I do playing Book of Hours.
I want to make cocktails based on the various ‘bevvies’ found in Book of Hours…but I don’t actually drink alcohol currently (I need to be able to drive the Mobile Library at a moment’s notice.) My Rubywise Ruin was just red sports drink. I’ve been discovered to be a fraud! I just want to know what Sacrament Ascite would taste like! (Hold the Glassfinger Toxin, if you please...or at least go light on it.) Tell me in the DMs what you think it’d taste like…if you dare, darlin’. It is the ‘purple drank’ of Cultist Sim, so perhaps lemon-lime soda and a medicinal syrup of, say, elderberries? (That might just be St. Germain.)
I thought that books could spread diseases, so I’d separate books by disease in Hush House, in rooms far away from other books. I used to leave the books in different rooms entirely sometimes — maybe out of some fear that the books would amplify each other’s diseases? Get some sort of super virus? I don’t know.
Even though I know the books can’t spread diseases to each other, I still do the separation out of some fear that the mechanic will magically become a thing for me, personally, on my own copy of Book of Hours. Because you know, the Weather Factory is sending me secret real-time updates that are going to mess up my game, right? I’m special!
I prefer Book of Hours over Cultist Simulator because I am too small-brained to really grasp a game that’s more abstract, with more abstract items, like Cultist Simulator. I have personally been victimized by the card system in Cultist Simulator and this is not a criticism of the game, but the weaknesses of the foundations of my mind palace, which is really more a mind garden shed.
I also prefer Book of Hours over Cultist Simulator because I’m bad at hard games. I only play two kinds of games: extremely easy games like the Artifex Mundi point-and-click hidden object games and really hard games like Hotline Miami or Party Hard. But I am not good at the hard games. I open them and I get maybe 5% of the achievements at most. Guess which category Cultist Simulator falls into? Book of Hours isn’t ‘easy’ but it’s much more forgiving and straight forward.
I spam the Well for water like my life depends on it but I’ve never thrown a penny in the Well. I always forget you can do it. The penny-throwing. Not the spamming.
I didn’t know you could swim in the ocean until I read about it on the Book of Hours Wiki. I am really bad at trying non-obvious cards in verbs.
I feel guilty about releasing the extra duplicates of pets I end up with. I just want to keep all of them…
I like the rosy Rose skills best because I love magenta.
I usually put all the candles in thematically appropriate rooms. The chapels end up looking really pretty!
I try to unlock the Dispensary relatively early to use the little cubbies as a place to hold my tools. Shears. Bowls. Whatever. We get weird with it.
I end up using the vaults/tombs? to store flowers because I end up with too many flowers, and it seems relatively thematic. Also, the flowers fit in the slots, out of site, out of mind.
I didn’t realize that Typewriters count as an Ink until I read it on Reddit.
I can only remember what Desks take specific aspects by leaving Tools or other items next to them that have to do with their aspect.
Because of the aforementioned confession, I only really assign each Desk one Aspect, mentally. For instance, The Smoking-Room’s desk is ‘The Forge Desk’ in my head.
I try to unlock the kitchens and other areas full of food ASAP to feed stuff to Assistants to lay siege to unlocked rooms. Oh, but then, I decide not to feed it to them, because…
I really dislike using unique/uncraftable items, especially to open rooms. I save them for the end and then just…never use them.
Even though I’ve played the game a million times, I always spend extra time in the Gallery, checking out the art.
I am afraid to move furniture from its default spots lest I forget where I put something and need it later.
I always get the free Pale Mommet early but hesitate on ‘spending’ it. I don’t have an issue sharing my toys. I swear.
I try to get a Stympling and Living Relic ASAP. I actually try to collect all the pets from the start. It gets pretty lonely in Hush House!
I didn’t know you could put something on the Twelfth Librarian bust to ‘carry over’ to the next game before reading about it on Reddit…
…and despite knowing I can do that, I always forget to put something useful on the bust, instead of a meme item.
I spend more time writing my notes than I spend checking them. Honestly, sometimes, it seems like I play this game as an excuse to take notes.
I have an unhealthily codependent relationship with The Unusual Nun. I need her, so badly, all the time, always. There’s just something about her — and that something? Moon 4.
I regularly mix up the Chancel and the Calyptra.
I regularly accidentally call the Calpyterodactyl Calyptra ‘Calypso,’ ‘Calliope,’ or ‘Cleopatra.’
I tell people to go with The Revolutionary as their start, but I always end up as The Archaeologist. My therapist is unsure why this is.
Born to pursue Nyctodromy, destined to pursue Birdsong.
I don’t really ‘get’ Y’s. I think I’m missing cultural context here? I’m trying to learn, I am, but the thing it’s based on has a Wikipedia article the size of cocktail napkin.
I slot skills thematically. If a skill contains the word song, slap that bad boy in Birdsong. Any Nectar? The Boss. Scale? Skolekosophy. Sky? Horomachistry. Moon? Nyctodromy. Simple eldritch being beyond human comprehension, simple brain.
I slot skills of one ‘family’ into one branch of the tree, if possible.
I merge Elements of the Soul too quickly in the early game and end up bereft of actions.
I don’t think I’ve ever played a game in which The Midwife, Mrs. Kille, is my starting acquaintance.
The Yellowing Newspaper is the cornerstone upon which I build my Hush House and is my favorite ‘book.’ Occult Scrap is a great Omen, great persistent Memory, easy to generate.
I wait until I have a language slotted in Level 1 of a given Wisdom before committing other skills to that branch of the tree.
I still call Rose ‘Secret Histories’ on accident, and call Secret Histories ‘Rose’ when playing Cultist Simulator.
I forget to check my Obsidian notes before I choose whether or not to level up a skill. In general, I’m pretty bad at planning my runs.
I make embarrassing playlists about Book of Hours on Spotify. I am currently working on…a triptych of sorts.
When I see the colors red, black, and white together, I now think of the tree.
I have a hard time differentiating between Preservation and The Bosk. I get that Preservation is more Heart-focused, The Bosk is more Nectar-focused. It sort of feels like Preservation is a subset of The Bosk, but about human health, but I know that’s absolutely incorrect, because it’s also about things like Preservation of objects(?) and lifting curses(?) but isn’t lifting a curse less Preservation related because it’s about changing something(?) I am a very confused old lady.
I rush to unlock Numen, especially Numen: Three Rules, to cheese through the rest of the game. I don’t really challenge myself to do things differently, which is why I hope by streaming the game, I’ll get input from chat about what to do differently.
Travelling at Night Confessions
It’s never too early to confess. At least, that’s what the priest who I bother at 2am tells me.
I am unsure if it’s ‘Travelling’ at night, with two L’s, or ‘Traveling’, with one L, in a typical #EldraL
I unironically call the upcoming Weather Factory game ‘Travelling at Night’ by the name ‘Nyctodromy’ instead, and it started as a joke, and now it’s becoming the default.
I didn’t play the ARG. I am definitely a Worm of a Scale though. I’m sticking this here even though it’s not about it, because I don’t remember what game it was about. ‘Obviously Book of Hours!’ Not obvious. ‘Just Google it!’ I don’t know Google’s website. ‘It would’ve taken you less time to search for it on AltaVista than it did for you to try and write pithy stupid commentary!’ Okay, you can have that.
I haven’t played The Lady Afterwards…nor do I have plans to. I am allergic to TTRPGs, it’s fatal, come back with a warrant.
I like the usage of red in the UI. It’s Swedish Fish flavored, and what cephalopod doesn’t like fish?
I really wanted to voice one of the Skills(?) for the game, but they’re not being voiced and I’m not a famous person or experienced voice actress. I want to think I’d be Birdsong.
My Dreamcast dream cast has Danny DeVito or Gilbert Gottfried voicing Skolekosophy. A dream voice cast post would’ve been a better blog post and frankly, hopefully, it will be, because guess what’s coming up next? (Only if I remember though.)
It only takes me about 867.5309 seconds to check the Weather Factory blog for updates. Please. Feed me. I’m so hungry. Please. I’m begging you. A crumb of lore for the Victorian orphan within me that yearns for the updates?
Friendship with Nyctodromy ended, Legerdemain is my best friend now. Love a person who can work with their hands. And that person could be me. So, you see, it’s really an act of radical self-love or, like, whatever.
I have already started on a Travelling at Night playlist, but I’m not linking it, because it’s pretty cringe and will probably be wholly inaccurate.
I am going to make the exact same mistakes I made in Disco Elysium, just in Travelling at Night. Save-scumming. Making the same build each time and being surprised I didn’t learn anything new about the world or see any new endings. It’s going to be hue-shifted Groundhog Day over and over and over. As noted poets Nine Inch Nails would say, ‘Every Day Is Exactly The Same.’
You guessed it, I don’t even have 25% of the achievements for TaN unlocked on Steam either.
